A THOUSAND CROSSINGS X

Dear Diary...
Primus Interpares, Secundus Ut Nullus
mercredi 19 novembre 2008

Today was probably my final shoot in NCC. I dare not think of going back on Friday, however much I'd like to. Time for a little flashback...

I started shooting at P5. Got to meet the M16 for the first time then. My shots never landed on the black dot in the middle. They all landed on the bottom left corner, creating a big hole. I knew nothing then, but the nice lady there said that it is because the rifle was not zero-ed to my eyesight (i dunno what that meant then), but it was good that all my shots landed at the same spot. :)

I was the only marksman in Sec 1. :) Participated in the 2006 Shooting Competition with Gabriel, Ernest, Yu Cheng and...and....ok i forgot. I was elected to become the Team I/C :) Didn't do too well that year. I think we were 6th.

Got marksman in sec 2 again. Along with Kenneth Lim and Foo Rong Xuan. Participated in the 2007 Shooting Competition with those 2, Gabriel, and Yu Cheng. That year S.O.T came down to train us. I was Team I/C again. And Snr John Made me Shooting I/C. :D Gabriel joined the marksmen's league right after that competition, with 19/20. (bravo dude). Till this day, I think I am second only to Gabriel in my part.

Lost marksman early in Sec 3. Gabriel also lost it. Rong Xuan also. Only Kenneth remained. Donson joined the league. Gabriel, Rong Xuan and I were stripped of the badge. I think that was one of the worst times in my career. Couldn't get over that loss.

Got back my pride in mid-year. Live range marksman. :) a lot of people got it too. haha. :D The marksmen's league became very big. So i joined the 2008 shooting team. :D Along with my semi-dream team. Gabriel (my supporting pillar. The other backbone of the Part C Shooting team), Wei Kit, Kenneth Lim (who later backed out), Toh Donson. My actual dream team was Gabriel, WK, YC, Donson and me. But today, it became, Gabriel, Wk, Hui Yang, Me. Wow I think it is my amazing foresight again. Luckily i told Mr goh I'd better get a standby to replace Donson as reserve. Otherwise, we wouldn't have a credible team today. Thank god Hui yang appeared, and thank god I CHOSE HIM. :) Good foresight. :D HAHA.

Today's shooting extremely eventful. First thing Wei Kit told me when i went into airstore was, "Kenneth Lim not coming. He said Bryan threw his uniform away." i was like. fish. fishedy fish. call him yesterday still say he coming. I really have to thank my foresight this time. Luckily I got Hui Yang to be the reserve, who eventually made it into the main team, and eventually shot well during the competition.

Next, Benedict didn't appear. Sorry, couldn't wait for you.

The shoot. I was lane 1. Rifle was good. Zero-ed to my eye. Couldn't ask for anything better. Or, at least that was what i thought. I think the mechanism was spoilt. Stupid left Fig 12 refused to fall down after i shot it. Only the right side would. (and all my right side fell down), so I only managed 4. A very disgruntled me argued for a reshoot. Thanks lieutenant Spencer for your help. :) Thanks to that Warrant Officer in the training shed for speaking up for me too. The Range SM almost refused to give me a reshoot, because he was convinced that I am such a lousy shooter that I can easily manage grouping scores of 1.2, shoot accurately at right targets but miss all 20 left targets. Very credible.

Got the reshoot. The team had to leave without me. I was dam sad la at that point of time. I was feeling the way Felipe Massa felt after his botched-up pit stop (i guess). I lost focus. I even convinced myself that I'd be happy
if i managed 5 points. No focus at all. At that point of time, I already had nothing to lose. Had to wait like 1 hour +? or maybe 2? I totally lost track of time. Got my mags, grabbed the helmet, headed into the range.

I was lane 4 this time. This time, the shoot itself was VERY EVENTFUL. Right before my turn to shoot, it rained heavily. Had to ceasefire. WOW. It stopped pretty quickly and we could proceed with the zero-ing. The rifle wasn't zero-ed to my eye. My shots appeared nowhere on the screen. I was like. Fish again. My first can bull, i think someone shot my lane, had 1 extra shot recorded on the screen. It said 6 shots fired, and I was like. HUH? Second Can Bull had 7 shots. 5 shots landed on the bottom right of the screen (not can bull) even after aiming off. 2 shots appeared on the top left of the screen. I was like. 2 fishes. Now I can also forget about Individual. Cos my zeroing is. SCREWED. THANKS TO DUNNO WHO SHOOT 2 SHOTS INTO MY LANE, WHICH IS SO EXTREMELY FAR OFF FROM THE REST OF MY SHOTS. THANKS A LOT AH. So, forget it, I'm not going to make it on Friday. Sian la, i dun think i have mood to go for exco lunch on Friday either. Fish. Fish. Fish. Fishmonger. Fish.

Oh, and it started raining again on my third shot of my second can bull. Visibility was like wow. had to ceasefire after we cleared our Can bull. Nice one. Waited in the foxhole for rain to stop. It soon became a smaller drizzle and we attempted to shoot again. They exposed targets and allowed us to aim at them through our rear-sight apertures. Some how, only after i voiced-out that visibility is too low to aim properly, others started saying the same thing. lol. And I thought i was the only one. So we waited again. Then, the rain got heavier. FOXHOLE GOT FLOODED. LIKE REALLY. If you all see carefully, near the steps there's a metal grille. Water started emerging from there. LOL. Filled all the way up to the first step. Then had to get out ofthe foxhole. LOL. Dam funny luh. Imagine shooting with knee-high water. WOW. It's like dam..cool. lol I dunno how describe. But DAM COOL. HAHA!

Rain finally became a drizzle. The flooding subsided. Visibility was much better. Resumed shooting. I don't know if it was just me, but i think i saw water ricocheting, as if a path has been created by my bullet through the curtain of water. I was like. wow. again. Sadly, my first 2 shots missed. Was trying to aim off. I saw sand on the very top left, but i wasn't sure if my target dropped, was still recovering from the recoil. Next shot, I didn't see sand, but I think i missed.... The subsequent shots met their targets. Perfect. I think i should be given 22/22 lah. :( Nvm. From 4-22 (I think, maybe i got 23, or 24, or 20, or 0, who knows. Nee Soon is screwed.) . Quite good le ba. And, I wasn't expecting much anyway.

Luckily it rained, I still have to say. Somehow, after the rain, I regained my fighting spirit and my focus. I was like murmuring to myself when it was raining,"Eh, you fought for this reshoot. Are you going to give it up now? Don't be stupid can? Just shoot your best luh. you can't get worst than already. You know yourself. You are better than that. You really want let Hui Yang beat you meh? (yes i really murmured that sentence) I though you wanted No.1 for This shooting Comp?" After saying all these to myself, I kind of convinced myself to shoot my best. So, for the remainder of the raining time, I said a little prayer, although i don't believe in any Faith or anything. "Hey, i don't know who you are. Whether you are Jesus, or Buddha, or 'someone' else. But I need your help again. Just allow me to shoot my best now. Let me be accountable for my final results today, and be proud of it." I guess it just made me feel better to have some kind of erm...spiritual pillar of support? Yah, so i just shot the way i used to shoot when i was sec 1. No wristlock or any fancy riflegrips. Just a loose hold on the handguard. I fired immediately when the target appeared. 0 hesitation. For the first time in 2 years of shooting, I really relied, and trusted my instincts again. And it payed off. :) Killer instincts.

So I guess I shot adequately well for a person with an already dented focus, and weakened fighting spirit. :) weak smile. I guess its really time to say goodbye to shooting. Maybe I'm just not fated to go for the finals. I'll never shoot so bad as to miss 20 targets, but never shoot so well to win something home. Yes, it's quite saddening. Actually very saddening. Can i have a shoulder please. :(

It's like my last competition already. I feel obliged to win this time. Not for myself, not for my team, not for NCC air, not for CHS, but for Mr Goh. He was there at every single shooting competition, except for today's. He arranged all our SAFRA shoots. In the past 3 years, I believe 3 thousand dollars, have been invested into us, the shooting team. But I am really disappointed (in myself) to say that, it didn't really pay off. Yes, Wei En, this shoot, is really very important to me.You might not know how I feel, but I only can say that it is, very important.

Other than that obligation, this year, We got a silver for Challenge Quest, We got a silver for orienteering, we got a full marks flight by our aeromodelling team. So, I felt that it is time for the Shooting Team to deliver something to be proud about. However, I failed. Maybe my teaching sucks. I don't know. But the Part As and Bs shot really badly. Yes, really badly. But, guys, it is really ok, as long as you've done your best. For the Part Cs, we were really stepping into uncharted waters. I had no idea how it feels like to shoot in a Foxhole, how it felt to shoot unsupported with live rounds, how to shoot snap with live rounds. It just felt totally new. I really tried every way and mean to find out, and simulate the scenario to prepare the team. But i guess, it failed.

Last, I guess the best thing I am at, in NCC, is shooting. Yes, I was in the orienteering team, in the aeromodelling team also. Oh yes, i topped theory for orienteering, but still, we screwed up. Yes, Ernest, Yonghwee and I were the top 3 flyers for Aeromodelling. Mr Yip even constructed 3 competition planes specially for us. But i screwed up again. In the end the person who did the best among us was Brandon. Only shooting, I have not screwed up totally. the only thing that I would dare say that, "I am better than you." So, it was that important today, for me, to prove myself. Because this is the only thing I am good at, I place a lot of my pride in this. That's also why i was damn pissed when that Range SM asked,"Why you so sure you hit the left target. you might have missed that's why it never drop what." I was damn pissed. I would never, miss 20 targets. Never.

There goes. Annual Shooting Competition 2008 has come to an end. My shooting career in NCC has probably come to and end too. The closing of curtains probably wasn't that beautiful, but I know these 3 years carries a lot of my memories.

And I feel dam guilty. Mr Goh asked me if the team can get more than 66, I said yes. How arrogant I was.

This will take time to get over. :(

I just can't take defeat, as something new.

yongliang

he closed his diary at {17:44}