A THOUSAND CROSSINGS X

Dear Diary...
Reflection reflection.
dimanche 27 décembre 2009

I'm really tired but I have to say this before I forget haha. A lot to say.

Thanks everyone who came today and helped me plan and prepare everything. [:

Thanks Wei Xuan for going shopping and planning with me.
Thanks Wesley for doing the accounting (haha) and everything. Thanks [:
Thanks Wei Kit for just being there. Haha. Thanks a lot, you're my pillar of support. I always knew I can depend on you.
Thanks Melissa for coming and pulling in more friends.
Thanks Xin Hui for coming and pulling in more friends.
Thanks Sim Yi for making dogs and swords out of balloons. Haha.
Thanks Duo Geng. Red team was awesome.
Thanks Samuel Chia for coming even though you had a basketball match to attend (although it was cancelled later). Thanks for keeping your promise HAHA. 4-1 [:
Thanks Wei Lun for coming and helping me out. Really awesome.
Thanks Yeung Kai for coming and helping me out too!
Thanks Christabel for coming and the soft toys! Thanks a lot [;
Thanks Yeo Khee for coming!
Thanks Samuel Lee for coming and keeping Wei Xuan company. haha.
Thanks Chyan Wen for coming and keeping Nobel company.
Thanks Novell for coming, WITH THE CAMERA. HAHA [:
Thanks Cheng Pau for coming and helping us out!
Thanks Qiu Le for coming. You and Yi Chan were good with the kids [:
Thanks Yi Chan for coming!
Thanks all donors for your kind donations [: Much appreciated.
And thanks Ms Thian for coming today and lending us a hand. And thanks for the donuts.

(I totally ran out of lines, but really, thanks everyone. I hope I haven't missed out anyone, but if I did, I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN IT! But really, thank you very much. [: you made this so much easier for me. [:)

Thanks station masters, I appreciated your spontaneity and flexibility. You changed the games on the spot to involve everyone and all of you made this a better experience for the children. Thank you so much.

Thanks Team I/Cs for taking good care of the children. I admire the way all of you bonded with the kids and handled the kids. Especially Samuel Chia haha, piggy-backing the kids from place to place. Thank you so much.

I would give myself 6/10 for this event or less. Because I still wasn't prepared for it. I thought the plan will run perfectly, or almost fine but a lot of glitches popped up during the planning process as well as today.

Well, the most memorable glitch was the number of children attending. I was first told it was 40-50. Even though the upper limit was 50, I felt it was safer for me to prepare 60 of everything. But 3-4 days before the event, I was told that 70 children will be attending. Flustered I was, but luckily, thanks to my dad's last minute donation and last minute shopping with mum and last minute collections from Ms Thian with Nobel, we managed to get 80 of everything. 80 was again, my "safe" estimate, just in case there was again an increase in children attending.

Alas, 85-90 children arrived (maybe more, couldn't determine. The kids just kept running around, and coming halfway through the programme)

And then I couldn't disappoint the kids. I didn't know how we did it, but we managed to produce enough presents to go around, and we managed to come up with one more prize, so that all teams receive a prize. (although the shortage of goodie bags couldn't be helped).

Thanks everyone [: You guys made this a success. Somehow, we pulled it off. [:

Talked to Nobel and Wesley over dinner today. I'm now wondering who am I really. I think I'm an arrogant, domineering and ambitious (even overly-ambitious person), who wants everything to go his way. I think I'm an authoritarian. (you can really just close your window now. I'm just using my blog as a medium where I can learn more about myself. haha)

I think I'm a person who plans in an optimistic manner. Although almost everytime as the deadline nears, my other personality kicks in and I start imagining the worst case scenarios and I start panicking and thinking of solutions. Yesterday I suddenly had transport problems. I had 8 boxes and 2 bags. My worst solution was to take 2 taxis. My best solution was to somehow find a van. Thank god for google and ebustop.com.
And, I prefer to plan 'safely'giving myself a sense of security (maybe false) by preparing 10 extra than the number I was provided. In this case, I was told 70 children and I prepared 80 bags. My worst case scenario solution was just to give everything we have left. And we did. We gave snacks, sweets, notebooks and everything I could find. :/

And the cake. -.- Couldn't do anything about it. No money and I cannot possibly ask the donor to get a bigger cake, especially since the order was already through. That, I had no solution but to cut the cake as small as possible. I couldn't provide an alternative as it wouldn't be fair if some children get the cake and some do not. (Although I often tell people life is unfair but the cake thing is really unfair. :/ And I was especially afraid the kids will cry.) Thankfully, Ms Raja told me to just give the cakes to their parents, which solved our problem.

Today = Big Mess due to the overwhelming number and my lack of preparation. I really should have just prepared for 100 people, shouldn't I? Don't panic.

And I didn't know my volunteers well enough. I should have, really should have done a more detailed briefing on what was going on on that day. But I knew I couldn't provide details simply because there was too many things I didn't know and no one could give me answers. :/ I didn't know how many people were turning up. I didn't know where I could use or cannot use until that day. And I did not know the kids well.

This event was too last minute. Half a month. 2-3 weeks.

Back to my own reflection. Apart from being arrogant, ambitious, etc. When I plan, I like to be left alone. I refined and pictured the event in my head after Wei Xuan and Wesley helped me with the first programme. I did this in the comfort of my bedroom in front of my Thinkpad. I have to do this, otherwise I cannot think. :/ I like thinking on the spot, but my problem is I cannot convert the picture in my head into words. (maybe a picture speaks a thousand words and a thousand words is far too many for me to conjure.) Thus, my idea/solution/thinking/inspiration/brainwave is worthless. And I have difficulty controlling myself and my temper when I think. (That's why I do my planning in the bedroom.) I don't like being interrupted when I'm thinking. 1. I will not be able to hear or comprehend what the person had said because I simply didn't notice him. 2. I don't like answering other people's questions when thinking. 3. I like to think with my other selves and "imaginary friends" (haha. really). And sometimes an idea, or a fresh plan disappears once I'm interrupted. My brain is my workshop. Thinking on the spot isn't the problem, but conveying my idea/plan to others is my problem. Definitely. I'm not good with words (and people) :/ I think I'm a loner.

And that's why I'm extremely clingy to Wei Kit. heh heh. [: I can't 'be myself' in front of anyone else (I realised..). I'm silent/anti-social/a loner when I'm surrounded by strangers (people I do not know). I had no idea how I survived my Japan tour without talking to anyone, but I didn't know what to say -.- Really. I'm not a social butterfly. No, I'm not even social. And that's bad. :/ I need a shrink.

But then I don't have that problem around people I am closer with. Like Wei Kit, maybe Nobel and Wei Xuan and the other PB EXCOs. That's when I am somehow able to talk crap tell stupid jokes and be lame.

Then again sometimes around people I am close with I don't talk crap tell stupid jokes and be lame. I think it's the stress thingy. Now that O level is over I think I've gone a bit cranky. Maybe.

I really need to shake off that authoritarian streak. I honestly think I am arrogant, obnoxious, calculative, authoritarian, domineering etc. And I don't like it.

Maybe it's the way I grew up. My mum always wanted me to do things myself. No way she was going to spoon feed me. So, alone, everything went the way I wanted, simply because I'm alone. I achieved what I wanted. I earned what I got. I don't think my mum is indulgent. I can beg for something, but she'll probably hint at me that she's not getting it or I'll have to get it myself.

Or maybe it's just the hardwiring of my brain.

Personality issues. I don't like it.

But I was epic fail today. That's the main point. heh.

I had more to talk about, but I'm too tired to recall. Goodnight before I type more rubbish.

Au Revoir

yongliang

he closed his diary at {22:25}